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Farage victorious in best pub crawl contest
Nigel Farage has been chosen by the British electorate as the leader who has had the best pub crawl over the last four weeks. Following a marathon session during which the UKIP leader visited a...
View ArticleNick Clegg claims window seat on the tube in early fight back
Battered Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, still bruised from his party’s shattering losses in yesterday’s election, has already come back fighting after securing a decent window seat on the Bakerloo line to...
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Scottish Labour MPs ‘near extinction’, captive breeding program proposed
Fears are growing for the Scottish Labour MP after a recent report suggests there may be only a single individual left in the wild. Experts have proposed a captive breeding program at Edinburgh Zoo to...
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Jeremy Vine refusing to leave ‘virtual’ election studio
Presenter and broadcaster Jeremy Vine has reportedly refused to vacate the BBC’s ‘virtual set’, days after election coverage had officially ended. Eyewitnesses say Vine has barricaded himself into the...
View ArticleScottish National Party to launch takeover of UKIP
City analysts have announced that they believe that the SNP will attempt to take over at least one mainstream UK political party in order to expand south of the border, with UKIP being their preferred...
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Labour leadership contest ‘much too fair and democratic’
Senior figures within the Labour Party have publicly criticised the party’s leadership election process, highlighting how recklessly fair and democratic it is. The criticisms come alongside the sudden...
View Article‘I always thought Corbyn right for leader’ says ex-critic looking for job
‘Perhaps in the heat of the moment my saying civilisation would end if he became leader was a little hasty and that my saying anyone who voted for him was a moron was misquoted and out of context....
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Labour set to unveil the iCorbyn™
To the delight of technology fans and beard-wearers, the Labour Party is planning to launch a new device which will revolutionize the way we think of revolutions. This simple handle-held socialist will...
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UK arms deals unaffected as Saudi women allowed to operate car radios
UK and US news programmes hailed the potential change in the law on the female operation of car radios in Saudi Arabia as ‘potential progress we can appear to endorse without damaging the billion...
View ArticleLeaked report on Labour election defeat ‘good news’ for Corbyn
A leaked report on the reasons behind Labour’s defeat at the last election could silence opponents of Jeremy Corbyn as its findings seem to support his methods. The report reveals that Labour lost the...
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Farage accuses left foot of being left wing
Nigel Farage has vowed to shoot himself in the foot after accusing it of being ‘a socialist’. UKIP supporters were concerned when Mr Farage started addressing his left foot as ‘Michael’ and accusing it...
View ArticleZac Goldsmith changes his name to Votey McVoteface
The Conservative candidate for Mayor of London formerly known as Zac Goldsmith has confirmed he wishes to be called Votey McVoteface with immediate effect. However, he has strongly denied this change...
View ArticleAfghanistan relieved as Taliban election concludes
The Taliban leadership elections have finally came to a conclusion, with Mullah Haibatullah Akhundzada the winner. In his acceptance speech, he thanked his supporters, who’d tirelessly gone door to...
View ArticleNext stop…Trump
The Great British half-baked electorate and Leicester City have proven the pollsters to be no better than a bunch of soothsayers, who spend their days counting Facebook likes and chicken entails....
View ArticleTrump ‘fringe show’ continues to court controversy
A new study has revealed what many have suspected for a long time – that the secret to Donald Trump’s staying power in the Presidential campaign is down to his hairpiece rather than any credible...
View ArticleCorbyn ‘was asleep’ between 1979 and 1983
Westminster has been shaken by news that Jeremy Corbyn was in the middle of a deep reverie for a large part of the 1980s. After failing to recognise the name of former Labour leader Michael Foot during...
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Miliband asks for ten years to fix Manchester United
In a bold statement of intent, the Labour Leader Ed Miliband has set out a ten-year plan to reverse the damage done by successive managers at Old Trafford. Whilst many of his critics suggested that a...
View ArticleLabour must work together, says Burnham, buggering off to Manchester
The soon-to-be former Shadow Home Secretary, Andy Burnham, has called for the Parliamentary Labour Party to ‘unite, or something’, as he prepares to leave Parliament for the next eight years, minimum....
View ArticleAmerica votes to make itself grate again
Today the world awaits the results of a record-breaking American vote against the worst Not President of the United States (NPOTUS) in history, instead electing by default someone it is already ashamed...
View ArticlePink Floyd admit education ‘actually quite important’
The 70s rockers have issued a statement saying that, contrary to any impression they may have given in the past, education was not really ‘thought control’ at all; but just a question of checking...
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