The Conservative candidate for Mayor of London formerly known as Zac Goldsmith has confirmed he wishes to be called Votey McVoteface with immediate effect. However, he has strongly denied this change has anything to do with gaining extra supporters among the all-important 18-24 internet meme-following demographic.
‘Since I was a boy I’ve known deep down I was meant to be named after one of Her Majesty’s Royal Research Vessels,’ said Mr McVoteface. ‘At college I had a quiff shaped like the prow of the RRS Bansfield when all around me were trying to look like Kurt Cobain and at prep school I made my friends dress me up as a 4,000 ton supply ship and call me ‘RRS John Boscoe’.’
Sadiq Khan, his mayoral election opponent, dismissed the move as ‘the Tory titanic sailing ever closer to the electoral iceberg’ and sent his team off in search of further sailing-related metaphors. ‘You can’t just win votes by having a funny sounding name,’ Khan said. ‘Excuse me a minute – Natasha, have we considered Kublai or Genghis? – anyway the whole thing is just a cheap gimmick’.
However, a member of ‘Team Votey’ retorted: ‘This development is anything but cheap. Do you have any idea how much it costs to get all the leaflets and posters reprinted? Votey isn’t exactly a billionaire, you know … ah … anyway with ‘Vote Votey McVotey’ using up most of our characters we’ve had to rethink our entire twitter strategy’.
Not to be outdone, the Liberal Democrats confirmed their candidate is also considering a new moniker. ‘We’re in danger of being overtaken by the UKIP representative Mr ‘Yes, I know Monty Python did this years ago,’ said a spokesman. ‘That’s why I urge our supporters to get behind Caroline Come-And-Have-A-Look-One-Pound-Fish, the best choice for London.’
SuburbanDad