Fears are growing for the Scottish Labour MP after a recent report suggests there may be only a single individual left in the wild. Experts have proposed a captive breeding program at Edinburgh Zoo to help increase their numbers for eventual release. However, finding mates for the remaining specimens could prove problematic they say.
Until recently the sight of a pack of Scottish Labour MPs grazing majestically in bars near Holyrood was something seen so frequently locals would simply take for granted – no-one predicted their numbers could fall so rapidly in such a short time.
‘It’s a classic case of Darwinism in action’, local expert Ms Sturgeon explained. ‘All creatures have to adapt to their changing surroundings to survive, and these MPs didn’t. Perhaps it’s time to let them die out.’ Others disagree though: ‘We owe it to future generations to ensure these magnificent beasts return to the roam the highlands at will’ said Douglas Alexander, unemployed, from Glasgow.
One thing all experts agree on is that further attempts to release the English Labour MP into Scotland are doomed to fail. ‘It’s not like there are many spare in the south – and last time we tried that they headed straight back south to Westminster again to the safety of warmer climes terribly unhealthy and covered in midge bites.’